My stomach isn�t happy with me today. In truth, I�ve had gastrointestinal issues since I was sick (almost six years now), and I�ve never been able to pinpoint the exact problem. I�ve tracked my food and beverage intake for weeks on end � no conclusive results. I�ve examined my daily stress level � no conclusive results. I�ve even made a record of my nightly sleep habits, but you guessed it � no conclusive results. Granted, all these things seemed to have been a trigger at one point or another, but just when I thought I�d nailed down the culprit, my tummy would give me the ol� switcheroo.

Maybe they left a sponge or a clamp or some other surgically-related tool in me during one of the many visits I made to the operating room. I bet THAT would cause me discomfort of the level I often feel.

So, I Officially don�t like our Floyd Replacement. Like I said, she�s very competent, but it seems as if she�s trying to make sure I know just how competent she is. Like, what � are we competing here? Noooo, we�re not, but she used to do my job (for a period of two weeks, mind you, which apparently earns her Expert status), and she keeps making little comments like, �Well, *I* used to put these HERE.� Or, �When *I* first got here, the front desk was like THIS, and I cleaned the shit out of it.� Or even, �What have you been doing with these? Because when *I* was here, I did THIS with them.�

I don�t care what YOU did with them, or where YOU put these. It�s MY job now. It�s MY desk now, and I�ll put THESE wherever I feel like putting them, thanks.

The weird thing is, she somehow thinks I really like her, and that she�s helping me by making these comments. She�s even come up here to ask my opinion on mindless, non-work-related issues that, quite frankly, I couldn�t care less about.

No, I don�t think that color looks bad on you.

Yes, I know who Vin Diesel is, but no, I don�t want to bear his children.

No, I don�t think your best friend used the words, �coming� and �going� correctly in that sentence.

Maybe it�s because I�m just too nice. Maybe it�s because I tend to call people �Hon� at the end of a sentence. Maybe it�s because I smile too much. But, now that I think about it, would I rather have her think I like her or that I don�t like her? Hmmm. Interesting question. I think this way is best. Better to have someone on your side than not. Even if it is an enemy.

The Good News is: it�s been announced that the fifth Harry Potter book is due in stores on June 21st. Finally. It�s over 700 pages long, too. So, if you thought the fourth one was long� Honey, you don�t know what long is.

That reminds me of a Random Childhood Memory. Whenever we (the kids) wouldn�t eat a certain food, or if we said, �I don�t like _________� out loud, esPECially if our Mom really liked that particular food, she would always act surprised, and she would launch into the same diatribe.

�You don�t like ________�?

�No," we�d reply.

�Not even with ___________ on it�?

�Nope.� To which she�d always retort (verbatim),

�Well, you just don�t know what�s good.�

Tomorrow marks my 100th diary entry. Shouldn�t I throw confetti or toot a horn or pat myself on the back whilst sporting a deeply satisfied smirk or something? How should one commemorate such an occasion? I guess I could just write about whatever I feel like writing about in between catching up with my favorite diaries. That�s what I�ll do. Yeah, I�ll do that.

While wearing my old Prom Princess tiara, of course. (Hey, it�s Casual Friday�)