Ya know how you like to THINK you know yourself - your tendencies, your habits, how you will react in any given situation - then one day, someone makes a comment about something you do a lot - just a general comment about you - but you literally had NO idea that you were like that?

I think I've turned into a boy without realizing it.

Suddenly, I'm having all these stereotypically BOY urges, and I'm not sure what to make of them. (That's very vague, and frankly, it may have freaked you out some, so let's just get down to it, shall we?)

I maybe, possible, kinda met someone.

And he's sweet, and caring, and interested, and funny, and a lot of other things I've always thought I wanted. But, here's the thing: the further it progresses, the louder this voice in my head says, "get the fuck outta there!" And HE'S the one urging ME to stay. Isn't it usually the other way around?

I keep ticking off the cons so I can eventually feel justified in leaving:

1.) He's Jewish. Not that this is a bad thing, but I was raised Christian, and I still maintain many beliefs that coincide with the Christian faith and, in turn, clash with Judaism.

2.) He's too far away. I mean, anything more than a 25 minute drive is too far.... right? I'm not a fan of the long-distance thing.

3.) He wants kids, and I'm thinking I probably don't.

4.) I know there is a fourth, and a fifth for that matter, but they aren't coming to me.

6.) Ditto.

I've done it once before. After only a week and a half, I tried to leave.

"I just can't do this."

"Do What?"

"This. This... thing. It's too much."

"How is it too much?"

"It just IS. I'm uncomfortable."

"So what?"

"So what? So... THAT'S what."

"I think it's a cop-out."

"Fine. Call it what you will."

And I left. But, I couldn't stop thinking about him, damn it, and the next thing I knew we were seeing each other again. And here we are, a couple weeks later, and it's definitely Go Time.

But, I can't help wondering... if I leave this time, what makes me think I'll be able to stay NEXT time?

No doubt about it: Dating sucks ass.