After seeing The Bourne Supremacy last night and dreaming of yummy Matt Damon, (I�ve had a thing for him since "The Rain Maker"), I awoke this morning to find myself a year older. Okay, so it didn�t really happen overnight� it was a gradual, day-by-day, sort of thing. Nonetheless, I am now, at the age of 31, officially "in my thirties."

I�m not sure how to handle this news. Perhaps there�s nothing to "handle" really, but as I tend to dramatize things, this birthday feels like more of a milestone than it probably is. When I was single and struggling to find my niche in the world, I always harbored the fantasy that even if I didn�t become a sought after screenwriter, I would be fine with marrying a wonderful man and having a great home life. Well, the latter has happened � I fell in love with a man whose fabulousness surpassed even MY idea of a dream man, and my home life couldn�t be better. The kicker? I still get occasional pangs that say, "I�m unfulfilled."

It�s my career life. Although I got out of a job that was making me miserable, and I�m now in an office that has a really nice environment, I�m still not doing what I want to be doing. I just know I�m capable of so much more. Despite my firm belief that it�s better to try and have failed than to have never tried at all, I�ve hidden behind my fear of failure and let EVerything become an excuse for having stopped trying. From "I�m too tired" to "I�ll do it tomorrow" to "Just wait until the weekend" and even "I�ve got to clean the house"� if it�s an excuse of any kind, I�m sure I�ve uttered it. Well, no more. Do you hear me, Self Doubt? That�s right, I�m talkin� to you, Insecurity. You�re not the boss of me. There ARE ways to, if not succeed, then to at least TRY. So, that�s my goal for my 31st year of life: stop talking myself out of stuff and just do it (thank you for your catchy slogan, Bill Bauerman).

There. I�ve said it, and I�m glad.

When I came into work today, there were streamers and a party hat and balloons decorating my desk, along with a card and a gift! I�ve only been working here for over a month, and I�m touched that my co-workers would go to so much trouble. Veeeery nice. And my gorgeous hubby gave me gifts last night � among them was Season 4 of Sex and the City, a GREAT new purse (which I�m carrying today), and several more tubes of Dr. Pepper Lipsmackers Lip Balm to continue my addiction. He�s the greatest.

All in all, this has already turned into an excellent birthday. Jeanne likey.