Why am I doing this to myself? According to virtually every online job opportunity website, I am thoroughly, utterly, completely and Officially UNemployable.

Why? Why? Why didn't I want to become something that everyone needs, something that's always in demand, like an accountant or a doctor or a shoe salesman? And why am I attaching so much of my own, personal identity to WHAT I DO?

I'll tell you why:

Because of the first question you get from strangers, from people you haven't seen in a while, from people you meet, from people in general.

Stranger: So, what do you DO?

People you Haven't Seen in a While: What are you doing NOW?

People you Meet: And what do YOU do?

People in General: What have you been DOING?

Americans are OBSESSED with what we do. In this country, what you do equals who you are (even if people don't admit it, they're thinking it. Let's be honest). And the problem with that is... the person I am cannot, I repeat, CANNOT, be equal to What I Do At This Particular Moment. I am not equal to a switchboard operator at an air conditioning parts manufacturer. I refuse to draw ANY comparisons regarding my person and this job. In fact, I look around the room I sit in, and I can't help but think, "Is this what all these people wanted to be when they grew up?"

"I want to sell air conditioner parts when I grow up."

"I want to listen to people yell at me over the phone about why they got the wrong part in the mail when I grow up."

"I want to be in charge of all the bids for jobs in the air conditioning industry in the greater Southen California area when I grow up."

"I want to write technical specs for air conditioners and the idiots who can't figure them out when I grow up."

I'd venture to guess that a Very High percentage of Americans not only don't enjoy What They Do, but they aren't even in the field they originally wanted to be in. And THAT, my friends, is something I never want to do: to settle for something less than I'm capable of, something less than I deserve. It may sound naively idealistic, but I'm Fed Up. I'm In A Mood. It's One of Those Days.

Ya know?

As far as I've been informed, my last day at this job will be Wednesday. And that's fine with me. I had been semi-interested in becoming full-time, but now I find out they've been interviewing all last week and this week for a full-time person, BUT that they're "still interested" in me. What... they want to see if they can find someone better before they SETTLE for me?

Please.

I am not one to be settled for.