DECODING LOS ANGELES DATING JARGON:

"It's not you, it's me" = it's you.

"I think we should see other people" = I'm already seeing at least one other person.

Spoken by a man: "I'll call you" = it'll take lots of electricity and some serious smelling salts for me to remember to call you.

Spoken by a woman: "I'll call you" = me calling you is much easier than breaking out the smelling salts for you.

"I agree" = I'm just saying that to impress you.

Spoken by a man: "I've had ten sexual partners" = I've had less than five sexual partners.

Spoken by a woman: "I've had ten sexual partners" = I've had close to twenty sexual partners.

"Can I buy you a drink?" = This is Tactic Number One in my attempt to see you naked.

Spoken by a man: "We should get together sometime" = See? I'm sweet and considerate, and next time we see each other I hope you'll sleep with me.

Spoken by a woman: "We should get together sometime" = I'm curious to see if you're still this attractive to me when I'm sober.

"What do you do for a living?" = I'm getting ready to judge you.

"Bless your heart" = You're such an idiot.

"You poor thing" = I'm having difficulty stifling my laughter.

Spoken by a man: "You're sexy" = I have a hard-on right now and I would totally do you in the bathroom if you're game.

Spoken by a woman: "You're sexy" = The other chicks in here are SO jealous of me!